By Kay Marshall Strom
Some years ago I wrote a book about the scourge of spousal abuse and how the church could help the victims. I was saddened but not terribly surprised that a number of men insisted they were only teaching their wives to obey as the Bible commands. What amazed me was how many battered women said their pastors blamed them for their husband’s actions. Absolutely shocking to me were the comments of pastors, who believed I was myself an abused woman. What left me even more horrified was the comment of one who said, “Go home and be a good wife. If he kills you, there will be a crown of glory for you in heaven.”
How excited I am that the Evangelical Covenant Church is facing down this all-too-common reaction to beating, belittling, and tormenting by family members. Especially wives.
On May 11, 2019, Rev. Meagan Gillan led a well-publicized all-day AVA training at Shoreline Covenant Church in Shoreline, Washington. Sixteen people, from six churches attended, including two senior pastors and three associates. As we introduced ourselves, it was sobering to hear how many told personal abuse stories. One was me, about my then seven-year-old daughter’s abuse at the hands of her Sunday School teacher. He was a registered sex offender, a fact known to the pastors.
Meagan was an excellent leader. She led us through a comprehensive and well- presented workbook, but she also taught beyond what was printed. It was clear that she knew of what she spoke. We came away understanding what constitutes abuse, and how we can respond appropriately. Meagan was expert at drawing us out and showing us how our churches can be safe sanctuaries and places of healing for the abused.
It’s a blessing indeed to know that the Covenant denomination is committed to raising awareness about abuse, which can show itself in various ways and places—including Christian communities. All eight of the representatives from our church are signed up for the AVA Retreat to be held just before the I AM women’s Triennial in Minneapolis next month.
After the training at our church, the young woman next to me asked if we could talk. Through flowing tears, she told of the abuse of her own daughter at the age of seven, including the ugly details, and the pain and guilt both she and her daughter have been carrying for years. “You are the first person I ever told,” she said. “No one else would have understood.”
Now there are people who will understand. Now there are churches committed to being safe sanctuaries and communities of healing. Sixteen more people, from six churches in Washington state, are ready and willing.
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