Good Friday 2020
By Dawn Taloyo, Director of Pastoral and Congregational Care, PacNWC
Lent 2020 began on February 26th. Do you remember what life was like then? On Ash Wednesday we were contemplating what we might give up for Lent or what new rhythm or spiritual discipline we might add. I was already “sheltering in place” and WFH (working from home) as I was recovering from rotator cuff surgery. With my arm in a pretty hefty sling and unable to drive, my husband suggested that I had already “given up an arm” for Lent. A month later, much of the world joined what was by then my familiar routine. I chuckled when I read Andy Crouch’s post saying, “Honestly hadn’t planned on giving up quite this much for Lent.” No one did.
With no idea of what was ahead, I fortuitously decided to read through the Book of Psalms for Lent. Following a reading plan provided by the YouVersion Bible App, I embarked on a pilgrimage of approximately 4-5 ancient prayers a day. My preference was to listen, either as I walked or while following along with my open Bible and pencil in hand to underline and make notes in the margins.
I call it “fortuitous” because marinating in these prayers has been a gift during this disorienting season. The Psalms open up and expand my prayer language. They give me permission to feel the complete roller coaster of emotions and express them to God. On any given day, I would hear the Psalmist cry out,
“You have rejected us, God…You have shown your people desperate times…”
Psalm 60
“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint….”
Psalm 61
“Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation…”
Psalm 62
All of those examples are from one day, or one page in my NIV Bible. Daily I listened to prayers that moved through anger, disappointment, longing, thanksgiving, and remembrance. Sometimes all in one Psalm and sometimes over the course of many.
Now I hear the same range of feelings reflected in any given Zoom meeting with colleagues, family, or friends. One person is finding the “silver lining” and feeling grateful. Another is despondent and lonely, while another is frustrated with ineffectiveness and unable to find center. Another feels calm and enjoying the slower life. All real. All legitimate responses.
And, God is present in it all. He is not put off or offended by our honest emotions, nor ranking our responses or prayer for that matter. If he was, then how is it that all these prayers found their way into His sacred scriptures?
My recommendation? Take a page from the Psalms. Any page. Sit with whatever words or feelings are expressed and make it your own. Even rewrite the Psalm to contextualize it for today. The words may roll, or they may sit in the back of your throat, depending on your day. But, don’t feel the need to soften or de-emphasize or correct the words or your feelings. The important thing is you are praying. Even when expressing the hardest feelings, the Psalmist was addressing them to God – the God who hears. And that’s what matters.